There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
