She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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