I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
