I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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