mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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