that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
