I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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