this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
