I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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