And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
