This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
