this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
