well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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