508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
