Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
