I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
