Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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