You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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