I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
