One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
