fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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