The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
