when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
