I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
