Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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