Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
