i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
