just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
