Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
