i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
