Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
