dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
