so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
