shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
