I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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