never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
