Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Holy shit dude........stairs
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