there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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