____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Randomize
