Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
