if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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