some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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