he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
