so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
