I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
