The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Less talking, more tequila
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
