When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
