So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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