Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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