Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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