Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want nice things and good sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
