I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
