Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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